It did not take a psychiatrist to diagnose my commitment phobic condition; I was able to do this part on my own. The cause and cure were a different matter, however, and I resolved to get some expert advice. After several false starts I finally managed to make an appointment with a counselor and even went so far as to attend one of the sessions we arranged. I had a vague idea that counseling would be fun. After explaining my situation, the counselor would expound on my thought processes giving good reasons for my behavioral patterns. I would leave with a new understanding of the way my mind worked and a game plan to become “normal”.
This was a couple of years ago, and I still remember it as being one of the most painful hours of my life. I had not realized that I would be expected to talk about myself the entire time and answer questions I would rather not even think about, let alone discuss out loud. I was not the only one having a difficult time - about 45 minutes into it, the counselor looked at her watch and with beads of sweat forming on her brow announced that this session was worse than pulling teeth. Perhaps if I had continued week after week, I would have gained some incredible insight. Instead I decided my commitment troubles were only mildly inconvenient and learned that therapy was not for me. I decided that if I was to ever share my life with someone, he would have to be amazing and convince me to commit without much help or encouragement from my side. Secretly I prepared to live a life complete within myself.
Phin and I had known each other for a while, but characteristically I had managed to keep him at a “friends” arm length away. He lived in Idaho and to make conversation I once mentioned that visiting “Craters of the Moon” was on my life to-do list. He immediately invited me on a camping trip, and after agreeing but never committing for three summer’s in a row, I found myself in a position of no excuse. It was a weekend where my job took me to Boise and so one Friday afternoon in July, we set off in his monster huge truck for adventures in the desert. I was slightly concerned about the camping aspect of the trip never dreaming that the moon landscape would be the launch pad for our colliding lives.
Author's Note: Originally this was supposed to be a one sentence introduction, but the story got away from me. I'm afraid the series may be longer than I had anticipated!
