Calendar - 7 days late but months early!

For the last six years, I along with 11 others, have made one calendar page for the upcoming year. At first my goal was to get the page turned in before Jan 1, and then it became not to be the last person to turn it in. This year I tried to get it in by deadline (Dec 1) and almost succeeded! Of course, it helped that I have had this idea for the calendar page for three years now.

The information I acquire to complete the calendar pages sometimes is long-lasting - I still wake up with "ants in the pants" rhymes from a calendar page done two years ago. This year I plan to be quite a hit at cocktail parties with my new found knowledge of fun state facts - anytime the conversation lags, I'll be there with a "Did you know in Minnesota, state law requires feet to be placed on all bathtubs?"

P.S. I am getting a little more digital with the calendar creations, but still am relying on crayons, scissors, and glue - this means that the original looks much better than the scanned copy:( Perhaps my goal for next year will be a completely digital version!

Where does all the time go?

The clock switched from 12:37 to 12:38. Another minute was gone. It was sad, really, to see a minute with so much promise disappear as all the others had. Where do the used up minutes go? I couldn’t bear to watch another minute fall to his fate and so rolled over and tried to shield my face with a pillow.

“Good news Mr. 12:37. It turns out, nothing of importance has happened on your watch and we will not be needing a statement. Have a pleasant journey. I hear the black holes are charming this time of year,” the master of time said in a jovial voice belaying the fact of dismissal.

“But wait sir, I’ve still got a little tick in my tock,” the minute pleaded. “With a bit of coloring and low light, I could be used again, perhaps in the Fives. After all, no one cares what a minutes looks like at five in the morning.”

The master of time just waved good-bye, unwilling to waste even another second on the poor minute.

An Autumn Dance

When walking down the street I can’t help but do the Leaf Hop. Sometimes this is a solitary dance, but every now and then the leaves take an active part in the twists and twirls creating an autumn ballet. The pursuit of a brightly colored, crispy leaf as it floats tauntingly down the sidewalk is irresistible. To catch the quarry in a single satisfying crunch gives me delightful shivers.

The meandering skip and hop that inevitably accompanies a walk among leaves is unnoticed when I’m by myself. The other day, my new friend Jaysen and I went on a walk through the neighborhood. I realized half-way down the block that I was selfishly crunching all the leaves. In an attempt to mend my manners, I made an effort to avoid the next beautiful leaf we encountered. I willed my legs to walk in a straight line and the feet reluctantly followed. To my surprise, as we approached the leaf, Jaysen did not alter his stride at all. In my opinion, the steps leading up to a good leaf stomp are important, but I can understand other people may have differing techniques. I waited in curious anticipation to see how he would tackle his leaf, but we walked right on by without even an attempt to capture the crunch!!! Knowing that perhaps the best leaf of the walk had been missed, I had to run back and hop. I landed with the leaf squarely beneath both feet. “A perfect 10,” crunched the leaf.

I rejoined my friend. “Your scampering makes for difficult conversation,” he said. It was hard to gauge whether he was annoyed or amused, but I resolved to give him my undivided attention for the rest of the walk. Ignoring the beckoning calls of my ballet partners, I made it to the corner and across the crosswalk. But when we turned down the next street, an orange-red maple leaf, with perfectly dried coiled edges stood alone in the center of the sidewalk. Giving me a bow, the leaf asked in a deep mischievous voice, “May I have this dance?”

Tales from the Coffee Shop

(An excerpt)

She kept forgetting that sitting side by side with fellow customers at the coffee bar did not make them her friends. They had their own thoughts and conversations, and she had to stop herself multiple times from joining in. The guy on her left was setting up a date using his cell phone. It seemed to be going very well, if that nervous leg tapping was any indication. As specifics were discussed, the whole table began shaking as if everything about the guy was excited. She looked at his animated face and thought that any girl would be a fool to turn him down.

Apparently, the girl on the other end was no such fool. He ended the call with a huge grin on his face. “Congratulations,” said her voice before she could stop it.

He looked a little surprised and then embarrassed. His huge grin turned a bit sheepish, “Sorry, was I that loud? I’m just a little excited.”

“No worries,” she answered back, relieved that in his excitement he did not perceive the creepiness of her accidental cross-over from eavesdropping to conversing. “I would give you a high five, but I don’t know you that well.”

"Yeah, I'm more of a fist bump type of guy myself," he laughed and extended his fist in a friendly punch. And that was her first introduction to Joel.

A Silly Conversation

“You are silly,” Self said with a hint of disapproval.

“I know, which means I’m actually not”

“That statement proves my point!”

“No, it proves mine. The fact that I am aware of being silly shows that my true nature is rather sensible. It tolerates the attempts at silliness - sometimes with amused indulgence, sometimes with exasperation.”

“Do you see how silly you sound now?” Self asked suspiciously.

“Sadly, yes – Try as I might, I can’t escape being logical”

Self seemed to be satisfied, and let me slip quietly to sleep, where my pet giraffe was waiting for me patiently. (Which is good because it is not easy to tap your foot in impatience if you have gangly giraffe legs)

Halloween Song

Last year about this time, I had a visitor while getting ready for work. It inspired the following song set to the tune of "A Beaver Ate My Thumb".**

There was a spider in my tub
Giving himself a little rub-a-dub-dub
I did not like him there
Splashing around while I was washing my hair
And so I said to him
Look here, Mr. Spider, your future’s very grim
He went quickly down the drain
I’m afraid he’s no more, but he’s not in any pain

** I'm pretty sure this is a fake song, but it does have a catchy tune:)

P.S. Spiders seem to feel right at home in my house. Perhaps they are under the misapprehension that it is a haunted, abandoned place. I am trying to spread the word that this is not the case and that cobwebs, while unique, do not make great wall hangings!

Home Again, Home Again

Yesterday, the day of the test, I was scared that I wouldn't wake up and so set 3 alarm clocks. There was no need to worry - I was awake long before the alarm went off. Today, however, my alarm clock system failed, and the two days with only 6 hours of sleep finally kicked in. I woke with just enough time to catch my flight. I reasoned that no-one would know that the clothes and hairstyle were an exact repeat of yesterday (I did manage to brush my teeth.)

A voice cut through this illusion as I made my way down the airplane tunnel with a "Hey, how are you doing?" I turned around, and the woman behind me was the person I sat next to in yesterday's exam!!!! What are the chances? Well, if I knew the answer to that question, yesterday's test probably would have caused me no problems... I would say, "Well that was embarrasing, but I'll never see her again", however, this statement somehow lacks confidence.

On a sad note, I arrived home to find a fire damaged neighborhood:( The destruction one block from where I live is amazing (and not in a good way). It has inspired me to do some major cleaning, so that no-one thinks my apartment was a victim of the chaos.

Test Anxiety

I finished taking two major tests today. Although I don’t officially get the results for another thirteen weeks, there were some minor clues that the morning test won this round.

- Sadly I did not have a watch and was not good at gauging the time… when the proctor said 15 minutes remained I had only completed 30 out of the 50 questions.

- When I didn’t know the answers to questions 1-7, I skipped to the end of the test, Question 50, hoping things would be easier if I worked through the problems backwards. This seemed to be a good strategy and I was on a roll until Question 47. I knew how to do the problem, but it seemed like one critical value was missing from the problem statement. I was not to be deterred however, in attempting a solution, for a question I mostly understood. I assumed a value and got an answer that closely matched one of the multiple choice answers. Yay! I circled my scantron and flipped the page to Question 46. A nice diagram jumped off the page and introduced itself as the “little green friend“ who would help me with Question 46-47, and yes, my assumed value was slightly different from the given value in the picture. So even though I did not finish all 50 questions… I did do some of the questions twice – I don’t think that counts for anything.

- “Little Green Friends” were jumping off the pages talking to me during the test!!! (And they were not the helpful ones from Chemistry Class either)

- Near the end I resorted to this strategy: Calculate and obtain answer. If solution is a close match to any of the multiple choice answers, cross out that answer to narrow “educated” guess down to remaining three choices. (33% is better than 25%, right?)

And so I use the term “finished” loosely as I will be back… to face this test another day!!!! (I just hope it’s ready.)

P.S. Where do the proctors come from? Is there a pool of proctors? Is there a way that I can figure a proctor position into my retirement plans? (Do they allow proctors to heckle?)

Is anyone still here??

I tried to sign up for a blogger account today – I know, I finally arrived!! Probably only to discover that everyone has left and gone to some other computer land world that I haven’t even heard of yet. Yes, I am from the pen pal era, and in fact am still waiting for the zebra to come from my friend who was writing using her zoo animal stationery. Technically, however, I still have not actually arrived! I couldn’t get it to work on my computer due to some cookie blocking software. Did I actually tell the computer that I needed to lose a few pounds, or did it assume that on its own? I’m not sure if I should feel loved or offended.

I did make it as far as checking available blogger names, and I must say that was frustrating and hilarious at the same time. There are now a few blogs that I need to check out!! The one I finally ended up with …”but we get there” comes from a cartoon song that I saw as a kid. I loved it, but have no idea where it originated, or how I saw it. Basically, all these fast cartoon animals were getting to fun locations and then the chorus would show the slow turtles and have a line like “We may not go whizzing by with skateboard speed………..but we get there.” I thought it was hilarious (and still do) and it strangely is a good tagline for my procrastinating life-style… which some day I plan to work on!

P.S. I think I finally did arrive!!! Nice to meet you blog world!