Official Story - The Option to Renew!

The care free fun of dating under the rules of the contract lasted approximately one month. Although in the dating world six months can be a long time and seemed appropriate when we began, it became clear that the option to renew signified a much deeper commitment (perhaps even talk of the “M” word). I realized that I only had five months to devise and implement an evaluation (refusing to call it a test) to determine if I wanted to share my life with anyone in general, and specifically with Phin.

About this time Phin had a similar revelation and came up with a very logical approach for his assessment. He made a list of topics that in his mind needed to be discussed and resolved prior to any further commitment on his part. (Apparently my reluctance to answer any question head-on caused some serious unease.) He let me know what these topics were and I was not worried about being compatible in the areas of his concern.

My criterion was much more difficult to ascertain. I felt like I had a solid understanding of Phin’s character, but was unsure of how our personalities would interact in the long-term. His natural reactions in various circumstances needed to be analyzed, and as I did not want observation to alter behavior, I kept quiet on the issues/personality traits that were important to me.

Not surprisingly, the not knowing which events I would find significant proved to have an un-balancing effect on Phin. In light of this, it was perhaps unfortunate that canoeing was the first adventure where I consciously assessed how we functioned as a couple. It did not bode well that by the time we hauled the canoe out from the water, I was convinced that next time we would paddle around in separate kayaks.

Although nowhere close to life in the ordinary, an international trip seemed like a fun way to discover if our differing quirks could find a harmonious rhythm. Being constantly together for three weeks, meeting my family, and dealing with the unexpected in travel gave us plenty of opportunities to enjoy the companionship while grappling with the uniqueness of one another.

In the end, I found it did not matter if there were more checks in the pro column of my mental compatibility chart. Phin had shown me a heart that was willing to work towards being compatible, which is much more reassuring. Although any thought of a proposal with “death do us part” consequences was still mildly terrifying, I did come back from Europe confident that I wanted to renew the contract indefinitely.