Alternates for “Reasons to Get Married”

Based on updated experiences, the following are replacements to my original “Top 5 Reasons to get Married”.  These replacements match the tone of the original in that they do not represent the deep and philosophical.  Instead, they are small every-day items that contribute to a joyful marriage.  I had a hard time narrowing it down to two, so came up with alternates for each replacement.

#3a  Restaurant Menu Selection:  Phin and I have an agreement to switch plates halfway through our meal.  This is great for my love of options; I no longer have to narrow my choice to just one entrée.  (People do stare if you start ordering more than 1 meal for yourself at a time – even when you explain you like the left-overs).   

#3b :  Driving almost an entire year without filling the gas tank!!!!  Almost as good as having an electric car, is a husband who does not mind filling the tank.  This was never an enjoyable task for me, but the other day I was at the gas station and realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had to do this chore for myself.  (When using my credit card to pay for this fill-up, I forgot my zip code.  Apparently, living in a fantasy Emerald City is much easier when you don’t have to type in a Desert Kave zip code every week… but that is a different tale for another day.)    

#4a Someone to make phone calls for me:  I have always had a fear of phone calls.  Although I no longer have to bribe co-workers to make my appointments, talking on the phone still raises my heart rate.  I love having a designated phone caller in the family (that is not me) – and am enjoying the convenience of ordering take-out for the first time in my life.  

 #4b Night-time reminiscing of festive gatherings:  It is fun to come home after a dinner party and continue the merry-making by talking about our favorite moments.  It is even better, when after hosting a party ourselves; we tuck ourselves in for the night and give rave reviews of the evening.

For the official replacements, I'm leaning towards choosing 3a and 4b:)

Happily Married

I recently reviewed my top 5 reasons for getting married.  (“Top 5” may be a misnomer as the list does not plumb the deep psychological depths of my reasoning.)  After a year of testing, I wanted to see if my expectations were correct and what revisions I may need to make to the list.

#1 Human Alarm Clock:  I can recommend marriage on the basis of this reason alone!!!!  I love the fact that someone gets up before me and starts the day.  Not having the pressure to “start the day” I merely join the party and it makes the waking up much less painful.  There is also the satisfaction of getting to sleep longer while my poor husband has to get up at the crack of dawn and trudge to work.  I do feel bad for him, but it makes my wake up time seem easily achievableJ

#2 No more drooling on strangers when sleeping on planes:  Once again, this reason has exceeded expectations!!!!  The ark animals were on to something - all forms of travelling is so much easier when done in twos.  There are several factors that make this true, but it is great when your Human Alarm Clock can transform into the Human Travel PillowJ

#3 No more funny looks when I introduce my date (previously imaginary):  I should have known my days of receiving funny looks were not over.  The other day, I ordered dinner for myself and a missing husband.  The waiter believed me until I was still alone after completely polishing off my dinner, and starting on Phin’s – his tater tots were irresistible.

#4 Learning to crotchet:  My crocheting days seem to have come to an end – although the days of crotcheting sneak up on me unawares.  On a list today, this would no longer make the cut…

#5 Excuse to make Wedding Invites:  Worth having a huge celebration party for the process of invite creation!!!

In my next post – I will come up with alternatives to replace reason #3 and #4… 

Mapping

Mapping:  When actual travel gets too exhausting (or expensive), one blindly picks a location off of a map and creates a commentary based on real or imaginary knowledge.  (As an added bonus, this activity helps keep actual maps in circulation and saves them from extinction.)    

Pittsburgh has an unfortunate name.  There are probably some neighborhoods where one can escape the depths of despair by watching the Pirates or Steelers.  However, it's hard to deny that even Pittsburgh's sport franchises make it sound like a shady place. 

But then shady means giant elm trees and sipping ice-tea.  Is there anyone who doesn't like a good elm tree in the height of summer?  I guess if ice-tea is not your beverage of choice, you could try sampling (before immediately spitting) Wigle Whiskey.  This will improve your skills and prepare you for the upcoming season of Watermelon Seed Spitting Contests.  Despite some early misgivings, I found mapping in Pittsburgh to be a interesting, and perhaps worthy of an actual pit stop in future travels.

 

Missing Person Report

He is the type who casually disappears.  I like to think he waved a sad good-bye that no-one saw before his path diverged from mine.  But in any case, it was not too surprizing that when I turned around he was gone.  The real question was - how long ago did he depart?  Thinking back, it has been awhile since I remember a full interaction.  I know I saw glimpses of him last December, so it is a slight relief that the absence has not stretched to years.  Without him, life has a tendency toward mundane routine and it is with difficulty that sparkle moments are recognized. 

Whimsy, if you are reading this, please come back – I miss you! 

Banking Hours

I know they say that time starts flying the older we get, but this spring my time has been disappearing by the hour.  First - the usual daylight savings, whereby most people in the US lost an hour and some people (mentioning no names) were late for church.  Second - an oceanic crossing, whereby 7 hours disappeared as if by magic (don't worry I'm not complaining about a chance to travel even in sub-zero temperatures).  Third - a surprize second round  of daylight savings, whereby around 2:00am another hour went missing in Europe (thanks to a well-informed sister, trains were still caught!).   I am hoping these missing hours are banked somewhere and at some point when I need an extra long day I can make a withdrawal.  All this  confirms the fact that time is not a constant and I am just thankful that I haven't yet lost or misplaced 11 days.  

Congratulations!!

"He is out...going to sleep and will
call later.
love you"

This is seriously the best announcement
I have ever received - and I love you too!!!!

It's my Year to Win!!!

"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."  Sadly I'm still wrestling and although it looks like it has the upper hand at the moment, I'm not giving up hope!!!!  I have exactly six months to match Elwood P.'s record :)

Happy Birthday!!!!!!

Calendar Season

I had a few good years of getting my calendar page done on time, but this was not one of them.  I started months ago, but my month was particularly “owly”.  Before I could finish the last few details, we had to leave for our Christmas trip.  I thought I could finish en route and made the sad mistake of bringing the project with me.  We left a gruesome trail of owl parts on our adventurous travels and in the end had to bring the whole project home again for its final completion.  In the directions, the owls insisted they were too sophisticated and wise for beaks and a compromise of “draw a line between their noses” was reached.  Those crazy owls!!!!

Visitors!

We are missing those decorating elves who left trails of Holiday Cheer!

Come Back Anytime!!!!!

Happy November

Although technically still Autumn, the weather is turning brittle and snow has been sighted.  Today I am reflecting to make sure that I haven’t missed any of my Favorite Fall Items:

Caramel Apple Eating                                                      
YES –Much to my delight, we each got our own this year!  This may be an indication that the honeymoon phase is over, but I like to think that sharing the experience is much more romantic than sharing the actual apple!

 Corn Maze                                                                  
YES – Growing up I was forced to tromp through fields of various crops, and the allure of doing that for fun (and paying money for the experience) seemed ludicrous!  Well, I now understand the amazing part of the maze.  To think, my dad might have turned me into the farmer he always wanted with the promise of secret passageways.

Tea/Coffee Drinking                                        
YES – So great to sit in front of the fireplace for fun.  We are enjoying quiet evenings, drinking hot beverages flavored with pumpkin spice and planning future trips to warm beaches.

Crafting
NO – Uh-oh, I am so behind in various projects and correspondences.  Perhaps there has been too much sitting in front of the fire and not enough old movie-watching while being productive.  If you haven’t received a birthday present yet this year, there is a good chance I had to give away a portion of it last night to our plentiful trick-or-treaters (after we sadly ran out of Scooby Snacks). 

Concocting a Stew 
YES – Even though each individual bite is yummy and creates a sense of coziness, I can’t help feeling I deserve a treat after finishing an entire bowl.  Perhaps the 6 quart crockpot was not the best of ideas.

Overall, it has been a hugely enjoyable season of leaf crunching, and I am excited to adventure into November!

    

Movie Review of Sorts

Once when asked what type of movie I like, I replied, “quirky.”  Sadly, this is not a genre that is easily defined or categorized – which makes it difficult to find.  This weekend, however, I discovered a full 170 enchanting minutes of it.  I know this may seem long, but after watching two hours of the movie, I felt distinct relief that there was another 48 minutes still to come.

It is difficult to recommend quirky movies with the confidence that others will enjoy them as much as I do.  In this case, I am prepared to go out on a limb and say this movie will be both entertaining and fun.  The themes transcend culture and give life to those attempted in Dead Poets Society, but with a richness and optimism which I found lacking in this earlier film. 

This is a movie that I keep thinking about and has application for my personal life.  (A topic more suited for a conversation over coffee than a discourse for this blog.)  I can see the irony of proposing to watch a movie about experiencing a life of passion, but next time I plan to offset the couch sitting by joining in on the crazy aerobic antics of the musical numbers.  (Yes, I do plan to watch this movie again, and unless others promise to try some dance moves, by myself!!!)  Whenever a spare three hours comes your way, I recommend watching 3 Idiots!

Art Disrupts Life

Phin and I have been taking drawing lessons for the past several weeks.  It is not going well.  Certain skills required to capture an image into a life-like drawing seem to be missing.  The week before we had to sketch horses - a different blog post for another time.  This lesson was another animal, one of our choice.  After a woeful attempt at a penguin, the instructor, a kind-hearted soul, demoted me to trees.  The scribbles that made up this particular tree were a welcome relief and a bit therapeutic after my artistic disappointments.  Below I present Exhibit A - Generic Tree:

The instructor declared that this tree, more like a shrub, had good shape.  Along with this first piece of encouragement, he said,  "Make sure you pay attention to the lines that should be dark and the lines that are lighter.  You can squint your eyes and see how the dark lines interact in an image."  I squinted and began to re-draw.  When I fully opened my eyes, the shrub had been transformed into a Shrub Monster!!!!!  Vines had become tails, and various leafy bulges had become appendages!  Apparently the Shrub Monster had been hiding in my sketch just waiting for the right moment to pop onto my page.  Although he endeavored to be fierce, the Shrub Monster was not scary.  I had to laugh and share his visit with Phin.  

As trees are not usually humorous, the instructor came to see what was causing our mirth.  When he saw the Shrub Monster, he shook his head in resignation and said, "Realism is not really your strong point, is it?"  It has become quite clear, both to me and the instructor, that this art class is not the place for me.  However, two days later, I saw something on my car that makes me question his take on my reality.  The Shrub Monster, not content to stay in my sketch book, had danced on the hood of my car.  Apparently, his leaves had turned vibrant colors and he just had to frolic.  

The Shrub Monster is now gone no matter how hard I squint my eyes.  His muddy leaf prints are still there to  illustrate the energizing mystique of the Fall Season, and serve as a reminder that being artistic is more than being able to draw realistically.

The Perfect Pet

While on vacation a random dog seemed to adopt us.  He would wait for us each day on the trail to the beach and follow us to the water.  I began to look forward to his wagging tail and floppy tongue greeting.  On the way back to our apartment, Phin would always explain how we had enjoyed the company, but we were not open to pet adoption.  I think the perseverance of this dog was beginning to soften Phin's firm stance, and by the end of the trip it was agreed that our new family may one day include pets.  Phin amended this to state we would only be taking applications from fish.  Upon hearing the news, the dog jumped in the ocean and splashed about.  Sadly, Phin was not convinced gills had been grown and we had to wave goodbye to the dog.  

I approved of the "fish only" policy until I saw this guy.  Now I want to smuggle him into our bathtub (which is still awaiting our first pet) and name him "Nemo"!    

Nighttime Terror

Three thirty-three in the morning is not a good time to be awake.  Especially if that awake person suffers from an over-active imagination – and is spending the night alone.  The twelves are cautious, the ones are worrisome, the twos are frightening, but the threes are downright terrifying.  The trick is to keep the imagination in check until the grouchy fours are reached.  The fours signalize a good chance that morning, if not exactly arrived, is on the way to chase nighttime under the bed.  There nighttime will hide until once again it finds someone unfortunately awake on its watch.  The clock changed - 3:37.

Zoey heard the siren approaching.  Faintly at first but getting loudly insistent– something bad was happening – a probable heart-attack.  Some night that could be her.  Her heart was racing and seemed to beat erratically.  Oh no, the siren must be for her.  Well, at least the ambulance was responding quickly – in fact, on second thought, perhaps a little too quickly.  She tried to calm herself down.  “Zoey, you are not having a heart-attack, and that siren is not for you.”  Her breathing became a bit more normal.  She checked the clock – 3:42. 

She tried to laugh off her scare - to think that ambulance was for her when she hadn’t even dialed 911. Panic was back in a flash!!!  How could you dial 911 when you were having a heart-attack?  Tomorrow – if it ever got here – she would buy one of those emergency beepers usually reserved for the elderly.  Having a plan calmed her down and she was able to turn her concentration fully on making it through the threes:  3:45, 3:46, 3:47.

Headlights broke through the blinds like an intruder and interrupted Zoey’s intent stare at the clock.  Her annoyance was cut short.  Displayed in full view on the wall was the silhouette of a man hunched outside her bedroom window.  Zoey froze as the man’s shadow ran quickly across the walls of her bedroom while the car drove slowly past.  The car and its headlights were gone taking away the shadow, but Zoey knew the man was still out there.

Holding her breath, Zoey slid to the floor hiding between the small space between the bed and wall.  She waited for what seemed like forever.  Hearing nothing she cautiously glanced at the clock, 4:01.  She had made it!!!  There was no way she was getting murdered during the dead of night now.  With morning on her side, she felt courageous enough to look out the window and monitor the progress of the potential prowler.  She eased up one corner of the blinds, but saw nothing.  The alley was deserted.  She sat up and looked directly out her window.  There was no man, no intruder, no prowler, just a smirking rhododendron bush with one branch leaning casually on the windowsill.  Zoey had officially made it through the night, and now it was time to get some sleep.   

Eulogy for Sigrid

Siggy was a beloved fish

With a life full of adventure.

His love for attention gave us in the pod

Moments which we all will remember.

Although advanced in years,

He attacked like a Beta, strong and sprightly.

His fierce fins and puffed out gills

Were not to be taken lightly!

His life was an example for all of us

Of what eating your vegetables will do.

With much delight he ate his peas

And lengthened the life of his queue.

Siggy was a good pod fish,

But it is time to say, “Good-bye”.

We wish him well in that Swimming Hole

Rumored to be in the sky.

Miss Pepper Potts

I know – another garden story, but my garden this year has been filled with excitement, drama and even hints of comedy.  With these elements, an opera was in the making.  It started with Miss Pepper Potts as a small green pepper, holding the most promise of all the gardening plants.  The aria for her was never completed, but once Phin realized we could name our produce after characters from Iron Man, his interest in the growing process perked up considerably – only to die when I mentioned my opera plans.

Well, after months of waiting, (in which time the whole opera could have been composed, casted and rehearsed) Pepper Potts is now ready to be severed from the vine.  I should mention that the purple tomatoes have long ago surpassed her early promise in size and abundance.  However, having a fully ripe miniature pepper makes me one happy gardener.  She may be too cute to eat!

Soon, I have promised myself to get back to the almost true stories that have nothing to do with fruits/vegetables (even the tiny ones).

Update:

We had to break into our emergency rations and use soup from the can.  Luckily, Miss Pepper Potts was willing to provide sparkle and garnish.  Usually when we are reduced to using emergency rations, we add excitement by pretending to have been stranded (the places vary from Antarctica to life rafts in the Pacific).  By using Miss Pepper Potts we were able to maintain some semblance of elegant dining as we slurped our soup.

One Dessert - Two Forks

My raspberry crop had a short season, mostly due to lack of experience.  My previous gardening adventures included taking care of the cactus, Mr. Scaggles.  He was thriving and began whispering ideas into my head of how I may have the elusive green thumb.  I was contemplating a companion plant for him when tragedy struck.  It was never clear if he jumped or was pushed out of the eighth story window, but the resulting splat on the sidewalk was final.  It was many years before I had the heart to welcome another plant.  The raspberry bush seemed equally inexperienced in gardening.  She sat in the greenhouse with an air of mystique which intrigued me enough to take her home.

Every morning I loved going out to see Miss Tery – a fitting name as she was labeled the "unknown berry" in the nursery.  One day she greeted me with the makings of a green fruit which looked remarkable like an unripe raspberry.  The berry ripened and I held off picking it for many days just so I could see Miss Tery waving this small red flag in our backyard.

The cravings for a raspberry dessert finally compelled me to pick the crop from Miss Tery.  She supplied enough for only one dessert which I graciously shared with Phin.  There was no recipe;  I just call it Raspberry Surprize and it was tasty!!!!

Sadly, after this initial crop, the thermometer blew its top and with the heat exhaustion Miss Tery was no longer up to producing berries.  I can’t say that I blame her, although next year I’m hoping if I’m more generous with the water we will have enough berries (as in plural) for two desserts.

Morning Melodies

It is not a secret that I like my eyes to be soundly shut until double digits can be seen on the left side of the colon.  This desire is often in conflict with my aspirations to be responsible, and so today began as most do in my world - with bizarre melodies.

Musical mornings have been part of my awakening as far back as I can remember (musical being defined in the broadest sense of the word).  My dad, quite the perky turkey in the early hours, would come into my room with a loud “cock-a-doodle-doo”.  His imitation of an operatic rooster became famous and delighted party guests whenever I had sleep-overs.

Motivation for the day was often found in his cheer of “You gotta get up, You gotta get up, You gotta get up in the morning”.  Of course this did not always work, and he would then borrow material from Uncle Remus.  Not expecting a reply, he would ask, “Is there one dead girl in here?”  “Ah,” he would mutter, “She must be dead.”  He then boisterously declared, “Dead people stick their foot up in the air and yell YAAAAAHOOOOOO!”  This yelp sent shivers down my spine and acted as an electrifying alarm clock.

In my teen years, the song of “Oh, my darling, Oh my darling” was sweetly sung off-key with made up words and followed by a morning chat.  I liked these one-sided conversations; it allowed me time to find nice endings to dreams and transition to reality.  The transition became slightly more depressing when my dad happened to watch Oklahoma, and revised his song repertoire. 

You would think that “Oh what a beautiful morning” would make a great addition to our morning routine.  Unfortunately this sprightly tune was not the one that peaked my dad’s interest.  Instead, the next few months he delighted in waking me to a moaning ballad, “Poor Jud is dead, Poor Jud is dead,” followed by a gleefully gloomy morning chat.

Although conventional alarm clocks have long ago replaced my father’s melodic attempts, today my transition to reality was definitely inspired by his methods.  A circle of clouds shaped like alligators surrounded my head and absconded with the lyrics of two well-known songs.  They replaced them with the following and sang them alternatingly:

"Waking up is never easy, I know but I have to go..." ABBA

"Morning is broken, like a first mourning..." CAT STEVENS

It took a shower, two cups of coffee, and emptying the dishwasher before I could get these songs out of my head and start the day with enthusiasm.

"You're Gonna Make it After All"

I have had a delightful day after a disappointing week.  Crafting the day away while watching Mary Tyler Moore shows is good therapy.  I think it is hearing that theme song every 25 minutes…   one can’t help but be cheered up!!!

MTM Theme Song

(The titles for the earlier show are way more fun, but the sound quality was not as good)

P.S. The box of SNACK SIZE ice-cream bars may have had a hand in the enjoyment of today- I am not to be trusted to spend a day in the house by myself with such tasty treats in the freezer!!