Catching Some ZZZZ's

The alphabet and I had become good friends and we would play all sorts of games together. It delighted in tricking me with tangling puzzles. The relationships between the letters fascinated me. Some of them got along so well with each other and were constant companions in almost every game, while others were shy and seldom seen. Hours were spent trying to tease “q” to go out without his best friend, “u”. It was only when I was much older that I finally succeeded in this endeavor with the promised treat of a Qatari camel race. There were hopes that I might become a great speller until January 25th of my first grade year.

The snow was falling softly outside and my seat was near the window. I was trying my best to ignore the fluffy white man as he floated down from the sky unassembled. He was begging me to bring out his carrot nose and put him together. Suddenly, my attention was captured by the most intriguing character I had ever seen, the letter “z”! It was love at first sight. From then on my spelling was shot as I attempted to place “z” in every word that I thought fitting. I was dazzled by this zany zipper az it zigged and zagged acrozz my pagez, compozing words that were sure to sizzle. I thought it especially fitting to provide the unexpected treat of “z” in a word that meant just that - surprize! Since there were no spelling bee contests in my immediate future, I turned to a more useful application for my letter friends - codes and ciphers.

P.S. This is an excerpt from hopefully a much larger story about a girl named Telsah. I recently rescued it off of my old computer and thought it would be fun to share. You can see I plagarized one of the sentences from this story and used it to create a whole different tale in "Happy Birthday". No need to call the literary cops, however, as I think it is a legal to copy from one's self. Besides, those literary cops will be be much too busy policing my sentences from unwanted "z's" and my newfound love of the ";". Where does one use a ";"? I don't know, but it does look good in a sentence!!!!

A trip to the Grocery Store

The Christmas Cooking Disaster of 2009 combined with other major kitchen mishaps in the last few months had convinced me to give up cooking entirely as a New Year’s resolution. The plan was to focus my energy on other creative, less hazardous projects. This was a good plan in theory, but around the third week in January I got hungry. I had Mother Hubbard Cupboards and my candy stash drawer was down to a few sad Hersey kisses that had long ago lost their ability to pucker. I scrounged up my shopping bag and headed to the local QFC.

Although I had only been avoiding the grocery store for about a month, as I wandered up and down the aisles it felt like it had been years. The food looked amazing. There were samples and sales and soon I had to exchange my basket for a cart. I modified my resolution to oven related cookery and concentrated on foods that could be heated on the stove top or eaten right out of the bag. When my shopping cart was full, for the most part with healthy snacks, I headed to the check-out line. It was with anticipation for a healthy delicious dinner that I watched the checker scan each item.

As I hauled the groceries into my apartment, I could hear the squeak of a pre-packaged plastic bag indicating that once again my kitchen contained fun foods. Twenty minutes earlier, I had argued with myself about buying potato chips (it is not pleasant to find that you have no one to blame but yourself for an empty bag of potato chips even if they are all-natural). However, I suspected from the squeak that one bag had indeed sneaked into my shopping cart. I was a little relieved and relishing the idea of opening up the bag of chips to snack on while I cooked my feta cheese omelet and re-stocked the barren cupboards.

The eggs were sizzling nicely on the stove and I started rummaging through the bags to find the salt and vinegar potato chips. I had put away the majority of items when I finally ran across the air filled plastic bag that held the promise of a challenge to eat just one, once it was opened. I dug it out eagerly – imagine my disappointment when instead of a bag of Kettles Sea Salt and Vinegar, it was a bag of pre-washed spinach!!!! Looking back, I know that I didn’t put any in my cart, and I know I didn’t see the checker scan any, but I really was expecting to find a miracle bag of potato chips amongst my other groceries.

A Tough Day at the Office

Today I want to growl. If only I was a bear, I could walk around growling and no one would give it a second thought. Well, I guess it would depend on where I was sauntering (as all bear walks inevitably turn into saunters). Back at the office, the growl is frowned upon, and even if I was a bear, I don’t think this policy would be revised. In the middle of a huckleberry patch, however, the growl would be tolerated and perhaps encouraged. Well, of course, I can’t turn myself into a bear at a huckleberry patch; instead this weekend may find me at the zoo roaming around the bear exhibit. I’m predicting that these bears will be letting out some very loud “GRRRRRRRRRRRs”. If you happen to be in the area, don’t be surprized if you hear the bears growl while their mouths are seemingly closed; rumor has it they have been practicing for future ventriloquist acts.

Happy Birthday!!!!

Sydney tried to visit at least once a year. Sometimes he gave a warning of his upcoming arrival, like a weatherman’s prediction of precipitation: 85% chance on Friday. Other times, he just appeared, waiting for them in the yard until they got home. He liked to time his visit for the birthday celebrations that took place around the last week of January. This year it was already January 20th and there had been no trace of him.

The family in the red brick house were beginning to be a bit concerned. Comments could be heard such as, “I hope Sydney didn’t spend Christmas in Hawaii and succumb to heat stroke.” And others would counter with, “I hope he’s not hibernating the winter away in a Polar Bear Den. If he set an alarm clock, his snooze button pounding is sure to make those bears crotchety. “ The list of reasons for Sydney’s late arrival and perhaps eventual no-show were getting the family worked up into a frenzied state of alarm.

Finally, the Mr. had to chime in with, “Now don’t start getting hysterical. You know Sydney likes to be unpredictable and keep us toe-tapping. He’ll be here by the end of the month, don’t you worry.” This was said with such authority that the family knew better than to continue with worrying scenarios, at least out loud.

On the eve of January 25th, after everyone had gone to sleep, snow began falling softly outside. The peaceful cold and muffled quiet that comes when large flakes hit the ground woke up the Smallest Miss. She knew at once what the stillness meant and jumped out of bed to open the window. Sure enough, Sydney had arrived; the fluffy white man was floating down from the sky unassembled. He saw the Smallest Miss in the window and beckoned her to bring out his carrot nose and put him together.

The Smallest Miss hurried to put on her boots and mittens. She did not want to keep Sydney waiting, and rushed outside grabbing the special carrot nose and bag of Oreos. It seemed like Sydney was bigger this year and the Smallest Miss had never before put him together by herself. It was delightful work and the two friends both enjoyed the moonlight frolic in the snowy backyard. When they had finished, Sydney was taller than the Smallest Miss and had a grin from ear to ear. “Happy Birthday,” said Sydney as he pulled a cupcake from his secret pocket. And so the Birthday Girl and the Snowman shared a midnight cupcake picnic, lighted by the cheery glow of one candle.

The family was astonished the next morning to see that Sydney had arrived; and not just arrived, but was also assembled. The Smallest Miss and Sydney just smiled and shared a wink as the others speculated on possible explanations. If they had looked closely, they may have found the only clue to the night's celebration; a drop of candle wax and a cupcake crumb.

A Hopeful Beginning

The meeting had been planned for weeks, but that didn’t mean she was ready. This was not a surprise; she was never ready for events dictated by a calendar. It was like she tried to live in an elastic world, where time flexed and was not contained in the rigid blocks of weeks and months. This actually worked to some degree; she had been known to send Christmas Cards out at St. Patrick’s Day, squirrel away fireworks from July to brighten a cold night in October, create a Thanksgiving Thankful List in February, and keep friends on their toes with erratically scheduled birthday whistle serenades. This year, she assumed that once again the welcoming party was more or less optional, and she could catch up with the newcomer at the Chinese festivities where there would be dragon kites and lantern parades.

On the Eve just before midnight, she found herself in bed with an unsocial cold; in bed, but not asleep. Her thoughts began leading her down a path. At first, she saw a path strewn with bushes of good-byes. Good-bye to a sister bound for Germany - Good-bye to a relationship that had once seemed promising - Good-bye to friends whose lives had excitingly diverged - Good-bye to a cooking career (this bush was more like a small weed as a cooking career had never really been hopeful). However, as she looked closer, the good-bye bushes were not seeping sadness as they are known to do, but rather were catapulting possibilities. Sprouting up visits and opportunities to live in new environments - Zinging a longing to find love and companionship in the only One who can truly provide these things – Shooting out tendrils of new friendships and deepening the existing ones - Blooming of other hobbies to be practiced and shared. And when she woke on Friday morning (that is late morning), she was delighted the meeting had not been missed and excited to begin her acquaintance with this New Year called 2010.

Calendar - 7 days late but months early!

For the last six years, I along with 11 others, have made one calendar page for the upcoming year. At first my goal was to get the page turned in before Jan 1, and then it became not to be the last person to turn it in. This year I tried to get it in by deadline (Dec 1) and almost succeeded! Of course, it helped that I have had this idea for the calendar page for three years now.

The information I acquire to complete the calendar pages sometimes is long-lasting - I still wake up with "ants in the pants" rhymes from a calendar page done two years ago. This year I plan to be quite a hit at cocktail parties with my new found knowledge of fun state facts - anytime the conversation lags, I'll be there with a "Did you know in Minnesota, state law requires feet to be placed on all bathtubs?"

P.S. I am getting a little more digital with the calendar creations, but still am relying on crayons, scissors, and glue - this means that the original looks much better than the scanned copy:( Perhaps my goal for next year will be a completely digital version!

Where does all the time go?

The clock switched from 12:37 to 12:38. Another minute was gone. It was sad, really, to see a minute with so much promise disappear as all the others had. Where do the used up minutes go? I couldn’t bear to watch another minute fall to his fate and so rolled over and tried to shield my face with a pillow.

“Good news Mr. 12:37. It turns out, nothing of importance has happened on your watch and we will not be needing a statement. Have a pleasant journey. I hear the black holes are charming this time of year,” the master of time said in a jovial voice belaying the fact of dismissal.

“But wait sir, I’ve still got a little tick in my tock,” the minute pleaded. “With a bit of coloring and low light, I could be used again, perhaps in the Fives. After all, no one cares what a minutes looks like at five in the morning.”

The master of time just waved good-bye, unwilling to waste even another second on the poor minute.

An Autumn Dance

When walking down the street I can’t help but do the Leaf Hop. Sometimes this is a solitary dance, but every now and then the leaves take an active part in the twists and twirls creating an autumn ballet. The pursuit of a brightly colored, crispy leaf as it floats tauntingly down the sidewalk is irresistible. To catch the quarry in a single satisfying crunch gives me delightful shivers.

The meandering skip and hop that inevitably accompanies a walk among leaves is unnoticed when I’m by myself. The other day, my new friend Jaysen and I went on a walk through the neighborhood. I realized half-way down the block that I was selfishly crunching all the leaves. In an attempt to mend my manners, I made an effort to avoid the next beautiful leaf we encountered. I willed my legs to walk in a straight line and the feet reluctantly followed. To my surprise, as we approached the leaf, Jaysen did not alter his stride at all. In my opinion, the steps leading up to a good leaf stomp are important, but I can understand other people may have differing techniques. I waited in curious anticipation to see how he would tackle his leaf, but we walked right on by without even an attempt to capture the crunch!!! Knowing that perhaps the best leaf of the walk had been missed, I had to run back and hop. I landed with the leaf squarely beneath both feet. “A perfect 10,” crunched the leaf.

I rejoined my friend. “Your scampering makes for difficult conversation,” he said. It was hard to gauge whether he was annoyed or amused, but I resolved to give him my undivided attention for the rest of the walk. Ignoring the beckoning calls of my ballet partners, I made it to the corner and across the crosswalk. But when we turned down the next street, an orange-red maple leaf, with perfectly dried coiled edges stood alone in the center of the sidewalk. Giving me a bow, the leaf asked in a deep mischievous voice, “May I have this dance?”

Tales from the Coffee Shop

(An excerpt)

She kept forgetting that sitting side by side with fellow customers at the coffee bar did not make them her friends. They had their own thoughts and conversations, and she had to stop herself multiple times from joining in. The guy on her left was setting up a date using his cell phone. It seemed to be going very well, if that nervous leg tapping was any indication. As specifics were discussed, the whole table began shaking as if everything about the guy was excited. She looked at his animated face and thought that any girl would be a fool to turn him down.

Apparently, the girl on the other end was no such fool. He ended the call with a huge grin on his face. “Congratulations,” said her voice before she could stop it.

He looked a little surprised and then embarrassed. His huge grin turned a bit sheepish, “Sorry, was I that loud? I’m just a little excited.”

“No worries,” she answered back, relieved that in his excitement he did not perceive the creepiness of her accidental cross-over from eavesdropping to conversing. “I would give you a high five, but I don’t know you that well.”

"Yeah, I'm more of a fist bump type of guy myself," he laughed and extended his fist in a friendly punch. And that was her first introduction to Joel.

A Silly Conversation

“You are silly,” Self said with a hint of disapproval.

“I know, which means I’m actually not”

“That statement proves my point!”

“No, it proves mine. The fact that I am aware of being silly shows that my true nature is rather sensible. It tolerates the attempts at silliness - sometimes with amused indulgence, sometimes with exasperation.”

“Do you see how silly you sound now?” Self asked suspiciously.

“Sadly, yes – Try as I might, I can’t escape being logical”

Self seemed to be satisfied, and let me slip quietly to sleep, where my pet giraffe was waiting for me patiently. (Which is good because it is not easy to tap your foot in impatience if you have gangly giraffe legs)

Halloween Song

Last year about this time, I had a visitor while getting ready for work. It inspired the following song set to the tune of "A Beaver Ate My Thumb".**

There was a spider in my tub
Giving himself a little rub-a-dub-dub
I did not like him there
Splashing around while I was washing my hair
And so I said to him
Look here, Mr. Spider, your future’s very grim
He went quickly down the drain
I’m afraid he’s no more, but he’s not in any pain

** I'm pretty sure this is a fake song, but it does have a catchy tune:)

P.S. Spiders seem to feel right at home in my house. Perhaps they are under the misapprehension that it is a haunted, abandoned place. I am trying to spread the word that this is not the case and that cobwebs, while unique, do not make great wall hangings!

Home Again, Home Again

Yesterday, the day of the test, I was scared that I wouldn't wake up and so set 3 alarm clocks. There was no need to worry - I was awake long before the alarm went off. Today, however, my alarm clock system failed, and the two days with only 6 hours of sleep finally kicked in. I woke with just enough time to catch my flight. I reasoned that no-one would know that the clothes and hairstyle were an exact repeat of yesterday (I did manage to brush my teeth.)

A voice cut through this illusion as I made my way down the airplane tunnel with a "Hey, how are you doing?" I turned around, and the woman behind me was the person I sat next to in yesterday's exam!!!! What are the chances? Well, if I knew the answer to that question, yesterday's test probably would have caused me no problems... I would say, "Well that was embarrasing, but I'll never see her again", however, this statement somehow lacks confidence.

On a sad note, I arrived home to find a fire damaged neighborhood:( The destruction one block from where I live is amazing (and not in a good way). It has inspired me to do some major cleaning, so that no-one thinks my apartment was a victim of the chaos.

Test Anxiety

I finished taking two major tests today. Although I don’t officially get the results for another thirteen weeks, there were some minor clues that the morning test won this round.

- Sadly I did not have a watch and was not good at gauging the time… when the proctor said 15 minutes remained I had only completed 30 out of the 50 questions.

- When I didn’t know the answers to questions 1-7, I skipped to the end of the test, Question 50, hoping things would be easier if I worked through the problems backwards. This seemed to be a good strategy and I was on a roll until Question 47. I knew how to do the problem, but it seemed like one critical value was missing from the problem statement. I was not to be deterred however, in attempting a solution, for a question I mostly understood. I assumed a value and got an answer that closely matched one of the multiple choice answers. Yay! I circled my scantron and flipped the page to Question 46. A nice diagram jumped off the page and introduced itself as the “little green friend“ who would help me with Question 46-47, and yes, my assumed value was slightly different from the given value in the picture. So even though I did not finish all 50 questions… I did do some of the questions twice – I don’t think that counts for anything.

- “Little Green Friends” were jumping off the pages talking to me during the test!!! (And they were not the helpful ones from Chemistry Class either)

- Near the end I resorted to this strategy: Calculate and obtain answer. If solution is a close match to any of the multiple choice answers, cross out that answer to narrow “educated” guess down to remaining three choices. (33% is better than 25%, right?)

And so I use the term “finished” loosely as I will be back… to face this test another day!!!! (I just hope it’s ready.)

P.S. Where do the proctors come from? Is there a pool of proctors? Is there a way that I can figure a proctor position into my retirement plans? (Do they allow proctors to heckle?)

Is anyone still here??

I tried to sign up for a blogger account today – I know, I finally arrived!! Probably only to discover that everyone has left and gone to some other computer land world that I haven’t even heard of yet. Yes, I am from the pen pal era, and in fact am still waiting for the zebra to come from my friend who was writing using her zoo animal stationery. Technically, however, I still have not actually arrived! I couldn’t get it to work on my computer due to some cookie blocking software. Did I actually tell the computer that I needed to lose a few pounds, or did it assume that on its own? I’m not sure if I should feel loved or offended.

I did make it as far as checking available blogger names, and I must say that was frustrating and hilarious at the same time. There are now a few blogs that I need to check out!! The one I finally ended up with …”but we get there” comes from a cartoon song that I saw as a kid. I loved it, but have no idea where it originated, or how I saw it. Basically, all these fast cartoon animals were getting to fun locations and then the chorus would show the slow turtles and have a line like “We may not go whizzing by with skateboard speed………..but we get there.” I thought it was hilarious (and still do) and it strangely is a good tagline for my procrastinating life-style… which some day I plan to work on!

P.S. I think I finally did arrive!!! Nice to meet you blog world!